Time to Rest

Dear Beloved BWBH Community,

Every day, moment by moment, we Begin Again. Start over, try something new, notice change, inhabit the not knowing, choose, breathe. In this mindful process, we are invited to Be rather than do. This is familiar space. Ten years ago, my friend Marie asked me to speak beside her publicly about our cancer journeys at Spaulding Hospital for Health Story Collaborative, founded by our mutual friend Annie. I hesitated, imagining public speaking during and about my cancer treatment in an itchy wig, sweat beading from drug-induced hot flashes. But I agreed to show up for Marie. Her stories of suffering with metastatic intestinal cancer, spending nights writhing on the bathroom floor only to show up the next morning for our kids’ kindergarten play with her portable infusion pump, often gave me courage to take that next drive to Dana Farber. Sitting beside Marie at Spaulding surrounded by a caring community, I felt drawn to the balm of her humor and her candor about living with an incurable disease. The connection prompted me to share words that many in our predicament acknowledge: we exist as Human Beings, not humans doing. We can choose to make Being the priority with the time we have on earth.

Be Well Be Here was founded with this principle in mind. It inspired the name.

What does it mean to choose Being in a world that values productivity? As a cancer patient, it meant engaging in mindfulness by day and hours-long meditation during sleepless nights. It meant learning to Be present with myself through dark moments of intense fear, pain, loss and sadness. Intentionally not consuming what felt harmful - not just in terms of nourishment, but not listening to news or watching violent movies or reading articles that caused distress - for an entire year. Instead, when thoughts overwhelmed me, I observed the view of trees and sky out the window. Felt the softness of my children’s hands, sought the music of their voices as they recounted their days. Alone, I sensed the ground beneath me, breath moving in and out of my body. In the present moment, there was the quietude of rising awareness. This was neither easy nor constant, even after decades of meditation practice. But the experience of trying to Be, moment-by-moment, even and especially with cancer, remains my greatest teacher.

Earlier this year, I offered a point of consideration through the BEnews: Grow or Go. After many months of contemplation, conversation with the BWBH board and staff, and consultation with the trusted professionals who guide us, I have made a difficult decision: to grow my personal embodied mindful wellness practice for my own wellBEing and to let go of Be Well Be Here. In 2024, the nonprofit will close.

Running a start-up nonprofit is an enormous undertaking. After two years of planning and five of implementation, BWBH expanded far beyond an intention to share mindful wellness practices. That we co-created a devoted board, staff, faculty and beloved community focused on enhanced wellness is an incredible success story (see our 2023 Impact Report for details). Yet, as demand for this work increased exponentially, the long list of responsibilities necessary to sustain a 501c3 nonprofit intensified. Many paths were explored, but in the end, it was clear that the complications of continuing would lead to exhaustion. This is also familiar space. Now, however, continual mindfulness and meditation practices bring the wisdom of knowing when to step away from what ails and have the courage to Begin Again.

As I share this news, it feels impossible to fully express my gratitude to you for accompanying me on this journey. Your presence and curiosity about mindful wellness and storytelling nourished a compassionate beloved community. I am so proud of how we experimented together to kindle our interconnectedness. The added kindness of your generous words of appreciation and commitment to practice was beyond life-affirming.

It feels equally challenging to fully thank BWBH’s board of directors, who contributed so much wisdom, time and creativity to support our nonprofit mission. The lessons of their leadership continue to inspire me. I will Be forever grateful to my dear friend and work partner, Operations Manager Jen Barlow, for her constant professionalism, embodied mindfulness, humor and dedication that led BWBH through years of impactful community connection. Thanks, too, to Communications Coordinator Salma Selim for her unending enthusiasm and artistry. My heartfelt gratitude also goes to BWBH’s dedicated teachers, with a bow of thanks to long-time guides Criss Cuervo, Carla Leone and Lisa Lombardi, as well as our remarkable interns and advisory wellBEing council members. I’m also grateful for the support of our collaborators, especially the Concord Free Public Library, and the generous grant funding teams from Concord-Carlisle Community Chest, Emerson Hospital and Freedom’s Way National Heritage Area. Of course, it’s impossible to fully thank my family for the sacrifices they made so BWBH could exist: my generous, supportive husband, who continually encourages me to dream big; and my four adult children, who cheered me on as they helped bring BWBH’s online presence to life, agreed to share our home to inspire wellBEing, and taught me so much about the complexities of communication in this century.

Together, we all co-created meaningful connections built on a foundation of presence, compassion, curiosity and loving kindness. What a lasting gift!

What does this mean for you, dear friend, as we move on? BWBH’s online mindful wellness programs will extend through Sunday, December 17. You're welcome to meditate with me at the last Peace & Ease session of the series, Wednesday, November 29 at 9 - 9:30pm. In the new year, please join me online Thursday mornings for Mindful Library Meditation through the CFPL at 8:30am, a community practice that I will continue with delight in 2024. I'm still contemplating the prospect of hosting a farewell gathering, having recently spent two weeks healing from a third case of Covid. When ways to reconnect arise, I will certainly Be in touch.

For those who have donated to BWBH with a spirit of generosity, we thank you for your support as we compensate teachers, accountants, attorneys and other providers with whom we will mindfully engage into the new year. On this day, Giving Tuesday 2023, I invite you to give to nonprofits that benefit our world - and to yourself! Make a commitment to your one wild and precious life, considering the ubiquitous yet profound question posed by the poet Mary Oliver, a reminder that this is it and your wellBEing matters.

As for me, what may unfold in 2024? For the moment, I will just Be. The decision to close one door and regard new windows of possibility feels marvelously liberating. Next year I turn 57, a birthday my mother never had due to cancer, and I intend to spend it Being fully present and utterly grateful for this gift of life. Other than that, ideas swirl like fallen leaves in the breeze. I watch them float then settle, notice their patterns, resist the urge to fixate or grasp. The koans of the Zen lojong return to me now: Rest in the openness of mind.

Simple and powerful words constitute a practice, as Thich Nhat Hanh teaches us. Even one word. Rest. Openness. Mind. When do we pay attention to the body’s frequent request to rest? How might we Be with the deeper meaning of openness? What can Be learned from all states of mind and their impermanence? We don’t need to know. Rather, we can observe a moment of not-knowing with loving kindness.

This news may come as a surprise, and letting go can be hard. My heart is with you. If BWBH shared anything of merit, it is that your wellBeing practice lives within you and awaits your mindful attention. Find it in your own way! If you need a brief reminder, here is a practice for Giving Tuesday and beyond:

Move from motion to stillness or a state of rest.
Feel what supports you, your connection to the earth.
Observe how you feel.
Pause.
Try a long, slow deep breath in and out.
Notice what arises.
What else is there?
Send kindness to yourself, even to one cell.
Sense this gift of life.
Be.

May You Be Safe

May You Be Well

May You Be Peaceful

May You Live With Ease and With Kindness

May We All Remember to Come Home to Ourselves and Turn to Others with Compassion.

We will all Be Here and Be Well, just in a new way. So let’s Begin Again.

Much Love and Gratitude,